There are good movies and there are bad movies. Good movies
you enjoy over and over again. Bad movies you sit through and then say well
that was bad, I won't bother with this one again. And then there are movies
like this one. Movies where you think of them as so terrible that you want to
find the folks responsible for it to slap them around and demand not just your
money back but the time that you lost of your life in watching it, just wishing
something good would come about. When it doesn't you find yourself doing what I
did: you scream at the TV wondering why oh why you didn't just pull the DVD out
of the machine sooner and just toss it out the door like an unwanted Frisbee.
What makes it even worse is when you see the names of well known actors in the
film. There are only three reasons this could be:
1) They thought it was good in which case you will never
trust another film they make.
2) They got paid tons of money to be in it which in this
case is doubtful as the budget is obviously low.
3) They knew someone involved and did the film as a favor.
If that's the case please folks in Hollywood, do the right thing, make the
right choice, be the big person and tell the folks behind projects like this
that they are truly terrible and should be burned as kindling on the backyard
grill.
Harry is a neer do well living without a care in the world,
loving only one person/thing: his pet dog Jolly. Jolly is the center of his
life and the only thing that brings him any happiness. He leaves Jolly to visit
his best friend to discuss the fact that he owes some people for not performing
a task they assigned to him (no we're not sure what that task is). When he
returns home he finds that they've sent someone to his house and that someone
has killed Jolly and left Jolly hanging from the kitchen ceiling.
Harry is now a man seeking revenge. He rounds up his cousin
and as much artillery as he can and sets out to find out who killed Jolly.
Along the way he kills anyone he feels like. For instance the bartender where
they hang out makes a comment that it was only a dog so Harry kills him. Elijah
Wood plays the bartender which makes you wonder why he took this role...why
Elijah?! WHY?!?!?
The trail of clues lead them to a lawyer's office that
results in a massive shoot out where everyone gets hurt or killed in one way or
another. Eventually they end up at a wedding where the guests become bullet
fodder. I would tell you what happens at the end of the film but if I did I'm
sure that someone would tell me I'm wrong for spoiling the end of the film for
those who wish to see it. All I can say is that if you watch this dung heap of
a film after what I've told you then you deserve what you get.
I've seen movies I didn't like before that left me angry at
having wasted my time on them. This one I watched all the way through and
didn't so much get angry at as I did sit in a rage when the end credits began
to roll. I had lost 84 minutes of my life that felt more like 3 hours and I
would never be able to reclaim that lost time. I don't think I've ever felt
this angry at a something I watched. There are not enough adjectives in the
dictionary to describe just how bad it was.
I may never trust the names of Elijah Wood, David Rasche,
Ryan Phillippe, Kevin Corrigan or Kristin Wiig again. I do know that should I
see the name Brian Petsos again, the person responsible for starring as Harry
and for writing this piece of crap, it will be a warning sign for me not to
rent the movie with his name attached. Think of the worst most disappointing
movie you've ever seen, multiply that by a million and you get this movie. My
only hope is that I never see it on a shelf in a store. If I do look at the
arrest record in the local newspaper for my listing as going insane and
damaging store property.
This one is so bad I refuse to post a link to order. If you truly want to be punished seek it out on your own. It really is that bad.
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