Tuesday, March 6, 2012

NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS: GRINDHOUSE WANNA BE


A few years back directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez wanted to pay tribute to those movies that played the drive in or grindhouse circuit with their double feature extravaganza GRINDHOUSE. The pair of films was amazing to watch and made viewers realize how much they enjoyed the old grindhouse low budget films seen in their youth. Unfortunately that movie also had some fallout. Suddenly there was a rush of films being made by other less talented directors that tried to pay tribute as well, failing miserably. NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS is a perfect example.

In the world of NNWBG, the Catholic Church is involved with the cartels in the transportation, packaging and sale of illegal narcotics. When part of a shipment turns up missing, biker leader/distributor Chavo kills all involved with the delivery...almost. One of the nuns survives and takes it as a sign. She is now to take down the cartel single handed. Suddenly we have a change from Lamb of God to executioner for God, able to shoot better than most marksmen with little or no practice.

Instead of saving souls this nun tracks down the various members of the gang and cartel in an attempt to slaughter them all. During one trip when she enters a packaging house where all the nuns stand around naked (with the exception of the white coif or headpiece that nuns wear) packing cocaine for the priests who run the drugs. Everyone is killed in the ensuing melee with the exception of one nun, a friend of our hero. They are such close friends that they end up in bed together. Yes we've entered the exploitation world where religious vows are tossed aside and killing and sex between nuns is accepted.

The killings and attacks go on and on with the nun taking down various members of the priesthood and then the gang that tried to kill her. Each of them is a step towards finding the main group in charge. Unfortunately she never accomplishes her goal and by the end of the film you find out that this is just the first part of the story, a sequel to follow. For once I continue to hope that a sequel never appears.

The most basic problem with this film is the attack on anything anyone would hold sacred. If you believe in God or the church then avoid this movie at all costs. You will most definitely be offended in all possible ways. For some reason the independent film industry thinks its hip and cool to defile all things religious (with the exception of the Muslim religion which would put out a death decree on you if you did so). Choose whatever you want to believe freely, but why this need to desecrate Christianity or any religion? It's a cheap shot used for shock effect and stupid.

 The second problem is the blatant attempt to ride on the coat tails of the Tarantino/Rodriguez film, so much so that I would swear the theme song is the same one used in that original film. If not, Rodriguez should sue because of the striking similarity. The film pulls out all the tricks from grainy stock film to the style of shots, cuts, pullbacks and more. But it completely misses the mark and rather than seem like a true grindhouse film it feels more like a tribute to the tribute instead.

Director Joseph Guzman seems to have a problem with religion. I say that because the only other feature he's directed is named RUN BITCH RUN and is described on imdb as "Things go horribly wrong when Catherine and Rebecca, two Catholic School girls, knock on the wrong door while selling Religious paraphernalia." My suggestion would be that Guzman either attempt therapy to handle his problems or just ignore the church in general rather than make anyone who watches one of his films deal with his problem.

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