Sunday, October 20, 2019

SATANIC PANIC: NOT WHAT YOU THINK



For those of us alive and well in the 1980s we’re well aware of the term “satanic panic”. The phrase was coined when allegations of satanic rituals and child molestation were brought forth, in particular the McMartin Preschool case. The attention to items like this spread like wildfire and it wasn’t long before news crews were talking to various suspects, Geraldo had guests on his show linking the satanic groups to the Manson murders and Son of Sam killings and everything else under the sun. So when I heard there was a movie called SATANIC PANIC coming out that was what I associated it with. The fact is it has nothing to do with that and is a rather well done horror/comedy that uses it as a springboard instead.

Samantha ‘Sam’ Craft (Hayley Griffith) is a down on her luck teen who takes a job delivering pizzas on her scooter. When a call comes in for a high end area of town the other delivery guys turn it down and send her. It seems that they’ve been stiffed for tips there before. One suggests to Sam that if it happens she sneak into the house and shame the owners into coughing up a tip.

Of course this is exactly what takes place. When stiffed for the tip, she starts to leave and then decides that she deserves her money. Unfortunately for her she isn’t aware of the fact that the house she’s stopped by is home for a coven of witches preparing to bring forth the demon Baphomet for Beltane to the world. Led by socialite Danica Ross (Rebecca Romijn) preparations have been made, her husband locked up for nearly foiling the plan and a search for a virgin to replace the originally intended victim is taking place.

When Sam steps in she’s quickly captured and tossed into the den where Danica’s husband Samuel (real life husband Jerry O’Connell) is decked out in only his tighty whities. He clues Sam into what is transpiring and decides to save her life by taking her virginity from her. Except that Sam isn’t interested and after finding a gun shoots him in the neck, then escapes through the nearby doors.

When Danica finds out what has happened she takes Samuel’s heart out to use in a ceremony by baking it. Danica is having problems of her own controlling the coven since one of the members, Gypsy Neumieir (Arden Myrin) wants to take over the group. At some point you know a confrontation between the two will happen.

In the meantime Sam has run to a nearby house where she finds a young girl babysitting two boys. The girl offers her a drink and tells her she’s going to call the police. Sam puts the drink down and one of the boys drinks it instead, dying shortly after. It turns out the babysitter is the daughter of one of the cult couples and chases after Sam who hides in a bedroom…where she finds another girl hogtied on the bed.

The girl is Judi (Ruby Modine), daughter of Samuel and Danica, and she was the intended victim for the evening. Instead she ruined her mother’s plans but taking care of the virginity issue on her own. Now she wants nothing to do with them and is all out to help Sam escape. With the coven on their tail and using witchcraft and spells to catch them it appears the girls might not make it through the night.

The film definitely qualifies as a dark comedy and presents more laughs than scares along the way. Sadly they aren’t major laughs but are done well enough to keep viewers entertained. The concept is fresh and that’s rare for horror films let alone horror/comedy movies. And while some might find the subject matter offensive keep in mind it’s not played out as serious and the members of the coven all come off as snooty snobs concerned only with maintaining their positions in society.

That’s an underlying part of the film as well, a depiction of the haves and have nots so often talked about in political circles these days. In the film the haves are portrayed as coming into their wealth not through work or achievement but by using satanic methods to insure they retain their rule over the simple working folk. Fortunately the writer and director were smart enough not to make that the central theme but they did choose to stick it in there.

The acting isn’t top notch but it’s not bad. Griffith comes off best here showing potential that will make her worth watching down the line. Romijn has done better in the past and doesn’t come off quite that well here. O’Connell seems a bit sleazier than he has in some roles but handles it well. And Modine shows potential as well.

All in all for a movie that’s being released on disc in October this is one that adults might have a laugh at. I don’t know that I’d recommend it for teens and definitely not for children. At the last minute they decide that language might not be enough to get an R rating and toss in an orgy scene filled with enough nudity for several films. For that reason, as well as the theme of the film, I’d keep youngsters away. 

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