I’ve been a movie fan for some time. It began when I was a
child and continued forward from there. I was such a fan at one time I wanted
to get in the business. I minored in motion pictures (Ball State didn’t offer
it as a major). During my time in classes I had the opportunity to see a vast
number of films. Remember this is before the days of the VCR when everyone
suddenly had easy access. I remember one instructor I had who insisted on
presenting to us the most unusual and pointless films possible. He’d taught at
Ann Arbor before coming here. More often than not the films were shorts and he
even went so far as to tell us that a person could make a living off of
government grants that would give you the money to make films like this. These
films weren’t entertaining, they were “art”.
I began to learn something about many (not all) “art” films.
They were made by people who were arrogant, full of themselves and who
basically slapped together anything they could think of and then calling it
“art”. And critics were eager to please this crowd. I don’t think they actually
liked what they were seeing so much as not wanting to be seen as not being part
of the “in” crowd, not admitting that it made no sense and was nothing more
than trash. They continue to do that to this day, even more so in a highly
politicized film industry determined to enlighten rather than entertain come
Oscar time.
Why go through all of this background? Well you have to know
where I’m coming from before I say something about the movie SAINT BERNARD.
Let me start by saying that no, this is not a sequel to
CUJO. I was not a fan of CUJO but I can honestly say it was leaps and bounds
better than this movie. If there is a plot in this film I couldn’t tell you
what it is. During the extras I hard director Gabe Bartalos discuss the
narrative of the film but even after hearing this I couldn’t find one.
Let me see what I can come up with between what I viewed and
what I’ve read. The film revolves around the central character of Bernard
(Jason Dugre), an apparent conductor in white tails complete with baton. IMDB
give the description “A classical musical conductor unravels into the abyss of
insanity.” Watching the film I couldn’t tell for sure if he was an actual conductor
or not, if it was all in his head or reality. There didn’t seem to be any
delineation between what was real and what was perhaps a dream state or perhaps
an insanity of the mind. It was all one big ride through the mindscape of the
central character. Were the other characters real of just imaginings? No way of
knowing.
The title might be referring to the main character named
Bernard or it might be referring to the severed head with attached spinal
column of an actual saint bernard that he comes across and then takes with him
throughout the film. Other characters are the strangest that have appeared on
film since perhaps a Terry Gilliam flick or even a David Lynch film. Those two
names come to mind often while watching this movie. It’s as if Bartalos loved
their movies and emulated them here without bothering to attach a plot to the
things he liked.
Known mainly for his work in special effects makeup Bartalos
offers plenty in that area in this film. The severed dog’s head, a woman whose
legs are run over by a truck, strange looking creatures and people and more
match the items he’s made in the past for films like BASKETCASE 3, MUNCHIE,
BRAIN DEAD and DARKMAN. I have no doubt that this film was an attempt for him
to put together a movie that would help his career by allowing producers to see
what he was capable of. The problem is before someone turns over millions to
you to make a movie you have to make something that will generate enough of a
return for them to be willing to trust you with it. This movie is not that.
Suffice to say that there will be some who will love this
movie and sing its praises. They will be the same ones who watch ERASERHEAD
monthly and who condemn the world of Marvel hero films and mainstream slashers.
For those people enjoy this film in the best way possible since that’s what
Severin is now offering. Transferred from the original negative making it the
cleanest print you will find with just a few extras on hand makes this the best
offering of the film you can find. If it sounds like your kind of film by all
means give it a shot. If curious you’ve been warned. If not your thing move on.
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