MICROWAVE MASSACRE: WAS IT AS BAD THIS TIME AS WHEN RELEASED?

I’m old enough to remember when MICROWAVE MASSACRE first made its way to video, yes VHS, years ago. I owned a video store at the time and horror films always rented well. When I saw the artwork for this one and read the description I laughed, ordered it and put it on the shelf for rental. I also watched the movie. Before it ended I wondered what I had been thinking when I ordered it. The movie was as bad if not worse than the title.

And yet in the passing years the movie has garnered a cult following among fans of bad movies. Those who revel in the worst film has to offer have found a gem to add to their collections. Seriously, the movie is terrible for so many reasons and yet it’s the sort of movie that you feel compelled to watch from start to finish. It’s not one of those intentionally bad movies, it is one where those making it really thought they had something but the end result could not have been what they intended.

The story involved mild-mannered Donald (Jackie Vernon), a construction worker whose wife May is intent of elevating herself and Donald to a classier lifestyle. She displays no class in her decorating style, in her attitude, in how she talks and definitely not in the cuisine that she forces Donald to eat every day. A prime example is a crab sandwich that is, yes, an entire crab between two slices of bread.

After a night of drinking Donald goes home to find May has cooked some strange new concoction. In a drunken rage strangles May, killing her. When he wakes the next day he discovers what he has done and now must cover up the evidence. Cutting up her body he cooks it in May’s huge microwave and then wraps the pieces in tin foil. He stuffs the body parts into the freezer in the garage, not noticing that one piece has fallen into a garbage can he used to throw away the food May froze in the freezer. When he gets hungry later that night he takes that particular piece inside to eat and is surprised at how good it tastes. As he unwraps it while eating he discovers it is May’s hand. But since it tastes better than what he’s been served lately he continues eating.

This leads to Donald finding other victims to kill, microwave and then eat. He also shares the food with his co-workers who enjoy it as well and suddenly become friendlier towards Donald. The body count rises and Donald’s hunger is satiated. The movie ends rather abruptly, or should I say mercifully. And lucky for us it didn’t end with anything that looked like a sequel could happen.

So much is bad about this movie. The sets seem like they actually filmed it in someone’s house, which if you watch the extras you discover they did. Jackie Vernon shows why he was a great stand-up comedian and a lousy actor. Not only does he display no range of emotion he can’t even show surprise and make it believable. The rest of the actors fare better but not much. The cinematography is low level at best. The props are recognizable but unrealistic. As I look back I find nothing that works or is well done here.

And yet the movie has a certain charm for fans of really bad films. You get the impression that the people behind it were really trying to make something but didn’t possess the skill or talent to pull it off. When you watch the extras you get a glimpse into those people and what they thought about the movie they were making at the time.

Arrow Video has once again saved a cult film from disappearing forever and you have to give them credit for doing so no matter how bad the movie is. This is the kind of movie that you put on during a party and have a good laugh over. What is mind numbing is to think that this movie was given a 2k restoration by Arrow. In addition to that it includes a brand new audio commentary track with writer-producer Craig Muckler moderated by Mike Tristano and a brand new making of featurette that includes interviews with Muckler, director Wayne Berwick and actor Loren Schein. It’s important to note that the featurette is more entertaining than the film itself. But fans can rejoice that it’s now being offered in this pristine version. If bad movies make you laugh, make you smile or make you appreciate good movies just that much more than by all means you need to watch this film. And thank Arrow while you’re at it for delivering it to your door.

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