So I’ve put off writing about this movie long enough. I sat through it, thought about it, weighed the pros and cons...well tried to FIND the pros first off and then knocked off the tons of cons…and here it finally is, the review. Let’s just say that there are some people who will enjoy this movie for the novelty of Tiffany and Debbie Gibson in movie together, fans of either will be delighted to see them in ANYTHING and then there will be people who just say huh?
The movie starts with Gibson as an environmental extremist professor who breaks into a research lab and absconds with a number of reptiles, mostly snakes like say pythons, and then turns them lose in the everglades. In her world view these animals deserve to be free in the environment and not caged or experimented on. Forget the fact that most of these reptiles are indigenous to the area, at least they are free, free to roam the waters like the innocent creatures they are!
So what happens? Of course nature having been messed with turns these lovely reptiles into bigger killing machines. The alligators that are supposed to be protected are now being eaten by these larger than life snakes. The same is happening to the redneck gator hunters doing so out of season. Why these snakes become so huge is anyone’s guess as it never gets explained. Let’s just say that they grow big enough to eat a grown man whole. Which they do. Unfortunately that man also happens to be Tiffany’s fiancé.
As the conservation officer for the everglades what does Tiffany do once she finds out what killed her beau? Why of course, she visits a cousin at the university and takes some super steroid the school’s been working on, sticks it in some chicken and then feeds it to the gators. The result is a humongous bunch of gators, each the size of a semi, which begin fighting the pythons. Until some of the snakes eat a few gators and they in turn grow larger still!
A scientist in the area, Dr. Diego Ortiz (A. Martinez), visits and tries to warn Tiffany what is going on but she’s to involved in a charity fund raiser coming up to listen to him. Besides, she already knows why the gators are growing. Gibson finds out as well since she and her students planted cameras in the trees in the glades and have footage of Tiffany and the roid enhanced chicken.
In what one can only hope is a tribute to JAWS, Tiffany decides to go on with the fund raiser (apparently she wasn’t too attached to her fiancé since she’s composed enough to follow through with this) even though the death toll associated with the snakes and gators is increasing. Fans of both teen idols will be delighted to know that the duo get into a hellacious cat fight during the fund raiser only to have the reptiles interrupt to eat a few guests.
By now the reptiles are huge. Wrapping around buildings, taking up both lanes in the highway, they head for the big city. How this city got so close to the everglades is never explained but hey, that’s just goofy old facts. Forget about ‘em! All involved join forces to find a solution to the problem that they created before the final seconds of the film.
So here you go, the good parts of the movie. If you like cheesy films with bad special effects, bad acting and worse yet a bad script then this movie will be your dream come true. It’s one of those movies that are so bad you can do little more than laugh through the whole thing. There was at least one if not two times during this movie that I had to stop it I laughed so hard. And the best joke in the whole thing is actually one that’s intentional involving ex-Monkee Mickey Dolenz.
The effects are the standard SyFy channel poorly done CGI that we’ve all come to expect from them. I mean it’s hard to describe just how bad these are done. I’m assuming that some 13 year old with a PC that’s older than he is worked hard to make these graphics but he still needs to work on them. Is it any wonder that people make fun of movies made directly for SyFy channel?
Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. The acting ability displayed by these two makes it easy to see why they were pop stars. There was no acting going on when they were singing. And while the novelty of the two of them on screen together wears off rather quickly, seeing them doesn’t. The way each looks is bad enough but side by side it enhances the problems even more so. Gibson looks downright anorexic with the boniest arms this side of Joan Rivers. Next to her Tiffany looks bloated. My guess is that she’s isn’t nearly as overweight as she appears here (and if she is then kids, shorts were not the best option for her to wear here) but when put next to the human skeleton that is Gibson she looks bigger. I know, these seem like chauvinistic things to say but when you have the two of them in dinner gowns tossing down with one another then you’d better expect it.
I can’t say that I’d recommend this movie to anyone with the exception of folks who want to learn what NOT to do when making a movie. The most stunning thing about this movie to me was learning that the director Mary Lambert was the same director of PET SEMETARY. Then again checking over her resume since showed some other poor choices.
SyFy channel fans who love their poorly done CGI swill will love this movie. Others might get a few laughs from everything about this film. Fans of Tiffany and Gibson will find this a must see just to say you saw it. For everyone else (roughly 99.99999% of the population) make sure you don’t bother.
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